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Ooo! Scary! The MARK of the beast. ha.

June 6, 2006

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MY REIGN IS UPON US! KNEEL BEFORE ME, PUNY HUMANS!

Yes, my birthday carries the mark of the beast. So does that of many millions of others. Still, people recoil in fear when they see my I.D (and not from the photo . . . I think.)

On this day of the beast, it is appropriate to address some blasphemy about horror films from some puny human, Brittney.

Most of them, let's be honest, are waste of celluloid.

No, really, let’s be honest. Waste? Where’s Mr. Pink when you need him? Back me up, cuzzin! (actually he’s probably working like I should be)

What about movies like:

The 70’s era post Vietnam, post Watergate national paranoia zeitgeist-ers like:
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (orig)
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
DAWN OF THE DEAD (orig)
THE SHINING
THE EXORCIST
ROSEMARY’S BABY
DEAD ZONE (and SCANNERS and all the other Cronenbergs from this period)
ALIEN
THE THING (a remake that was as good as the original)
THE OMEN
WICKER MAN
INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS

The 80’s brought Regan era hedonism backlash slasher flicks:
FRIDAY the 13th
HALLOWEEN
NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
APRIL FOOLS DAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
THE STEPFATHER
HELLRAISER

The Mavericks:
EVIL DEAD
SUSPIRIA
PHENOMENA
PHANTASM
CANDYMAN
SERPENT AND THE RAINBOW

Camp Camp:
AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON
SCREAM
EVIL DEAD 2
NIGHT OF THE CREEPS
RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD
LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM
FRIGHT NIGHT
THE GREEN SLIME

Meta:
DRACULA: PAGES FROM A VIRGIN’S DIARY

To the East, Blackwards
RINGU
UZUMAKI
AUDITION
GOZU
KWAIDAN
CURE
MEMENTO MORI (Korea)
VITAL
EVIL DEAD TRAP
TETSUO
TALE OF TWO SISTERS
GOJIRA
THE UNTOLD STORY

The classics:
Do I really need to list them?

In this new century, more than ever the Wu-Tang’s C.R.E.A.M. doctrine applies to Hollywoof. So, we get remakes and sequels and the remakes get their own sequels. Even the most inventive (though admittedly shite), like Wong’s FINAL DESTINATION or Roth’s HOSTEL are based on tried and true formulas slightly updated to showcase the “talents” of the UPN actors that populate horror flicks. Victor Salva, turning his personal demons into decent films, could continue to create interesting work.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. June 7, 2006 3:47 am

    The trailer for the Wicker Man remake is out, as is the website. Creepy, but redundant.
    http://thewickermanmovie.warnerbros.com/

  2. June 8, 2006 3:48 pm

    What?! The Wicker Man is not a horror film. It’s a tragic tale of what happens when a repressed asshole won’t learn to overcome his fear of sex and good religion and ruins it for everyone.

    That’s hardly horror.

  3. June 8, 2006 4:25 pm

    Somehow I get the feeling you’re talking about Kleinheider, B. Nevertheless, taking the comment at face value, it is generally thought of as a horror film. I mean, if you are going to say that movies with pertinent theme can’t be horror movies, then half of the list I made above is gone.

  4. June 8, 2006 4:27 pm

    Also, I think I’m editing the post to remove any reference to HOSTEL. That was really a shite film.

  5. June 8, 2006 6:10 pm

    Okay, that Kleinheider thing made me laugh so hard! Too funny.

    I’m not saying that it’s the theme that make it unhorrible, it’s just the fact that the guy whose fear you’re supposed to feel is the least sympathetic dude in the movie. That’s what makes it unscary.

  6. June 8, 2006 7:29 pm

    it’s just the fact that the guy whose fear you’re supposed to feel is the least sympathetic dude in the movie.

    Kinda like HOSTEL.

    Okay, that Kleinheider thing made me laugh so hard! Too funny.

    I kid! I kid!

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